Fully Alive

music....

Last Sunday night we attended a TWLOHA event in Stillwater. (if you don’t know what TWLOHA is please ask me!)  The event was called Lyrics and Conversation… cool idea. A coffee house type setting (think Oregano’s, Deam’s, ect.)it was very intimate. Discussion led by TWLOHA's Chad Moses. Music by Damion Suomi, Andy Zipf, and Lauris Vidal.  There was music and in between sing there was open forum conversation… during one of the conversation segments Chad was talking about the influence music has had on his life. How he was at a “crappy” point in his life and he heard Copeland's Under the Medicine Tree and it touched him, reached him in that place that only music can reach ( my words not his.) That it spoke to him ad comforted him, reminded him that he wasn’t alone. And then he opened the floor for further discussion… unfortunately someone spoke up and talked about skydiving and not music, which is what happens sometimes in open forum. BUT here’s my two cents on the subject.

 

Music met me in 1993-94 in the form of Adam Duritz  of the Counting Crows.  I was watching MTV (back when they actually showed music videos) and there he was…. Dreads bouncing around his head, singing about Mr. Jones and I was in love! Not necessarily with him (kinda tho.) but with the sound…. After a few years of nothing but Nirvana, Pearl Jam and G&R (which I never really liked, G&R that is) this music was.. forgive me for saying so… music to my ears! =) I went out as soon as I could and bought August and Everything After. I came home and put it in the tape player and collapsed into the sounds….

 

I was going thru my divorce at the time and had decided that I was going to go to OBU and since I never took the ACT in high school, I was studying to take it. SO I would sit at Mom and Dad’s kitchen table listening to this tape over and over while studying… and feeling amazed that someone could relate on such a personal level… the song Raining in Baltimore touched me…. Spoke to me… sang feelings that I couldn’t express… his voice echoed the pain I was feeling… I didn’t realize at the time just how much it would impact me, but I can tell you now that I have a line from this song etched onto my skin…. “What would you change if you could?”… this has become a theme in my life…. I strive to live my life with no regrets. of course there are things in my life I wish could’ve been different  - mistakes I’ve made – but hopefully I’ve learned from them and at the very least they’ve made me who I am today. Good, bad and everything in between…

 

This song still speaks to a very vulnerable part of me… I can still put this album on and the first notes of Round Here take me away…I still love the whole album, it’s very special to  me – actually all but the last album by them is special to  me because they became MY band – some of my closest friendships were formed because of a common love for this band. SO I’m going to post the lyrics to this song along with some notations of the lines that stand out to me as ones that meant a lot to me then…

 

But I want you to tell me… what is your song?

 

Raining In Baltimore

 

The circus is falling down on its knees

The big top is crumbling down

It’s raining in Baltimore fifty miles east

Where you should be, no one’s around *

 

I need a phone call*

I need a rain coat

I need a big love

I need a phone call

 

These train conversations are passing me by

And I don’t have nothing to say*

You get what you pay for

But I just had no intention of living this way*

 

I need a phone call*

I need a plane ride*

I need a sun burn*

I need a raincoat

 

And I get no answers

And I don’t get no change

It’s raining in Baltimore, baby

But everything else is the same

There’s things I remember and things I forget*

I miss you*

I guess that I should*

Three thousand five hundred miles away

But what would you change if you could*****(!)

 

I need a phone call*

Maybe I should buy a new car

I can always hear a freight train

If I listen real hard

And I wish it was a small world

Because I’m lonely for the big towns*

I’d like to hear a little guitar*

I think it’s time to put the top down

 

I need a phone call*

I need a raincoat

 

All Around Me

January 26, 2010

 

i saw a shooting star this morning during my morning drive. Not terribly unusual, right?

Well, this was during the day. Still morning, but the sun was out.

i saw it.

i thought, “ What is that?.... is that a star? … surely not…. maybe it’s planet…”

Of course that doesn’t make sense either.  

And then it started to flicker… and i watched it fall and fade away….and with it my heart sank….

It’s song was over.

It’s light had gone out.

 

It reminded me of just how precious and fleeting our time on this Earth really is…. How short the time we get to sing praises to our Lord and King…. Our Creator and Maker!

 

My pastor asked yesterday, “How many of us can truly say that we are living life to the fullest?”

My husband quoted yesterday from Brennen Manning who was quoting Julian of Norwich, “The greatest honor we can give Almighty God is to live gladly because of the knowledge of His love.” (italics mine.)

 

How many of us can say that this is true of our lives?

How many of us actually live every day as though it were a gift from God?

And how many of us find something to complain about every day? 

How many of us take for granted the amazing gift of life?

 

Every day is a gift.

Every day i get to start over and try to make a better day than the one before!

Every day is filled with blessings beyond what i could ever deserve!

 

And every single day i take it all for granted.

 

Today my prayer is this:

i want to live my life to the fullest!

i want to savor every moment.

i want to sing my heart’s song every day.

i want to remember the tingle i get every time my husband kisses me….

i want to bask in the wee hours of the morning with my 2 year old in my arms, snuggled so tight…. instead of wishing for a little more sleep….

i want to rejoice in the victories of everyday instead of focusing on the failures.

i.e. cheering for pee in the potty and not yelling about pee in the floor…

i want to sing praises when my teenager wants to sing songs to raise money for starving kids in Africa and not for personal gain.

i want to delight when my grown son calls me for advice, or takes time out of his busy schedule to come visit.

 

 

i want to remember that every day is new. Every day has new blessings set aside just for me!

i want to rejoice in the knowledge of YOU!

i thank You for my life!

i thank You for showing me that star this morning!

i love You Lord! 

--- kara

 

"All Around Me"

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

disappointment

i find myself in a strange place.

how or why is it that we find ourselves disappointed when we lose something we never knew we had?

or feel disappointed that we didn't get something that we didn't even know we wanted?

i guess it's the same ole scenario .... the grass is always greener and what not.

God grants us the strength we need to make it thru each day....

today God, i think i need just a little bit extra... if it's ok

My New Year's Prayer

 

My Prayer for this new year is that i would see those around me with Your eyes....

the lost & the hungry

the hurting & the poor

the teenage girl who wants to go home and cut her wrists....

the teenage boy who starves himself....

the widow who needs someone to hear her....

the single mom who needs an extra hand...

there are so many around us that need a sympathetic ear... a shoulder to cry on....

help me to see them as You see them... help me to love them as You love them....

Give Me Your Eyes  by Brandon Heath

Look down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight

Touch down on the cold black top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos

All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me you heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what’s underneath

There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work, He's buying time

Pre Chorus / Chorus

I’ve been here a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just move and pass me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
I need a second glance
Give me a second chance
To see the way you’ve seen the people all along

Chorus